Where did the time go? Oh no, it's August and...

naturally I wanted to get more work done but various things have  slowed production down -  the good news is, I finally have my new studio annexe without any furniture stored in it, so...

At last space, space to be able to walk around, space to be able to lay the work flat, ...space!!


This is the latest version of "Pain", it has been on the wall for a while now and suggested the changes that have taken place - I know that it was practice of Braque to have his paintings 'sitting' around so that they would speak to him, an old tutor of mine witnessed this first hand when having tea with him, in mid conversation Braque suddenly stood up, grabbed his palette and proceeded to work on a  painting! He said that it was when he wasn't thinking about the painting, that the painting spoke to him and said what it needed. 

The next image did not start out as one image, it began as two separate canvasses and this is what occurred - it really is refreshing to make work in this way, it is without boundaries but not without intent, it still requires openness and at the same time, control.

The 2 canvasses are 4ft x 2ft - I wanted to work with double squares after hearing Albert Irvin mentioning this was the proportion favoured by Van Gogh - however, I ended up with a square! This made me make another square 4ft x 4ft with the possibility of an 8ft x 4ft triptych.
Naturally this was never the intention as there was no intention, only a response.
The image below is the first 2 stages, it has been worked on since ...

Again, this is an innate response without any preconceived direction, so even the notion of the triptych has not controlled the outcome - it is important to point out that all this freedom is not without doubts; doubts about my own ability are ever to the fore, just what exactly am I doing? What is the relevance of all this? Why don't I just paint something, that looks like something, that demonstrates a skill and where people will not be made to feel uncomfortable in their understanding about the paintings and their intent .... steady now, steady. As Pissaro said "I recall that at the Academie Suisse there were students who were remarkably skilful and could draw with surprising sureness. Later on, I saw these same artists at work; they were skilful, but no more than that. No, no, no, that is not art!"


I need to remind myself that in order for me to develop I have to push my boundaries of my understanding and in order for that to happen I need to do this or do I? 

By default the process of painting throws up the unexpected. The very act of making and that of the idea are, for me, poles apart. It really is about striking up a conversation in which there is a very loose opening line deliberately delivered sound in the knowledge that it will go off on a tangent and, does it really matter if that conversation deviates? If it does deviate,  surely it becomes a much more interesting one, one that can be sustained in a free flowing dialoque devoid of ... hopefully, formulaic responses - it is so difficult to avoid and yet it is a necessity if this project is to sustain itself. 
As artists we can fall into cul de sacs of our own making, the temptation to pull our rabbit out of the hat - to truly move forward is an incredibly difficult thing to do - fear of it looking crap results in ... repetition/ safety/ comfort/ tricks, however you label it, it is difficult to break free, especially if we believe that "style' is what others know us by or indeed, like. 
Rejection - fear of failure ... the artist presents... 

Creation                                                                              6ft x 4ft

This is where 'Creation' currently stands, for the moment it will sit around ... until it either confirms this is what is needed to be said or a sentence needs rephrasing.


The next image is response to pain, pain caused by the sudden loss of a friend, the hopelessness of the situation that materialised. This is what emerged.

Pain                                                          6ft x 4ft

? 
The experiment continues and I have started a number of new images - at present waiting for multiple paintings to dry and then review. This is where they currently stand.

It has been fascinating working in this way and at present there are some images that I believe work as separate paintings and whose marks could not have been done any other way. Now the dilemma  is to review and to consider working on them as individual pieces and to maintain the spontaneous approach ... 
As part of the process I have worked on two other individual images the first is 50cm x 50cm and was painted from all angles and does not necessarily have a right way up.

There is no narrative, no known outcome and is in its current state for the moment - it may remain as is but for me, a painting is like a conversation that you have momentarily stopped but does not necessarily mean is finished.


This next image is 6ft X 4ft and is a response to ... divine proportion and Michelangelo's Creation of Adam?

Again, this has gone through quite a number of incarnations and is a response to ... in this case, being painted  outside and the dappled light falling onto the canvas plus underlying all the imagery, Ken Nordine and his Colors.


What next? Who knows!

Well, with the words of an old school teacher " the idea is good but the painting is rubbish" ringing in my ears, I continue to attempt to make intuitive reponses to Ken's musings. Naturally, as the painting is progressing, the desire to decorate comes into being. Also, the knowing when to stop and when to carry on begins to emerge. Oh, it's a real head in hands moment but a healthy reminder of what I am attempting to do - you know, that fuck it up stage and then the possibility of something stronger emerging. What has been really interesting so far is, working all sides of the canvasses and seeing if it can be read in any direction and if when separated each section works as an individual image. God, I wish I had a much larger studio, you know one where there is the space to move and not bump into, knock over etc.. Some may say that I just need to be more organised, tidy and to paint much smaller; "what's he doing it for anyway and where is he going to put it?" has been voiced, answer: because I do not want to stand still and I have no idea. The reality is this is a lot harder than I imagined it would be, for all sorts of reasons, one being all the baggage of image making that I have amassed, habits, tricks and fears.

Where do you start? At the beginning when all your thoughts are at the end or at least in the middle? You have the idea but are hesitant to make a mark in case it is the wrong one and it will immediately be noticed. Then again, maybe if you don’t do anything it will happen naturally. What if having started you change your mind about where it is going and what you are trying to say with it. The difficulty surely lies with the notion of failure, that ever present looming mass of doom that is sure to guide you into its soul sucking path and to cast so many doubts about your own abilities to express anything remotely worthwhile; worthwhile, how do you measure this abstract concept?

 At what point does it become worthless and have no place? Surely it is enough that the desire to express a thought, an opinion, is a sign that it is not necessarily worthless by any measure, after all this is subjective analysis rather than objective. How do you manage to maintain objectivity when your thoughts are clouded by uncertainty in your own ability to have your voice heard? This creates a spiral of despair that like a vortex encapsulates you and makes procrastination the order of the day. Then begins the battle, a battle that involves countless attempts to kick-start the process of creativity. How long has it simmered, how long have you kept watch on this, how long are you going to allow it to remain hidden because of fear that you will be wrong; wrong because you have spent too long thinking about it and in the end it becomes so diluted that it has no substance. So, you don’t start and then feel guilty that you haven’t started. At what point are you able to bridge this schism that lies before you? At what point will the weight of doubt that hangs suspended deep in the recesses of your thoughts allow you the mobility that is necessary to begin?  To embark on a journey that has no known destination and no timeframe creates a sense of trepidation; and it is this sense of trepidation that allows the thoughts to be cloaked in that veil of doubt. Yes, it waits there in the shadows, just waiting for you to make your move, a moments hesitation and it has you, sapping your energy levels; you know you must carry on, you must fight the temptation to pause and reflect, because it is at this precise moment that you will stumble and the very weight of it will pin you down: And once it has you within its grasp it will not let go, it will flood every inlet with doubt, it will make sure that every pore is permeated with its poison and only when it is certain that the infection has taken hold will it abate. Oh, how it mocks you, how it taunts you, knowingly. It wants you to fight, it needs you to fight, because without a fight it cannot sustain its life force, it relies on your doubts to allow it to burrow its way into your very being. 

Where do you start? 

Really need to try and get this up on wall ... hmmm

Painting the Innate

How does that work? Well, it is a challenge that I have set myself and for which I have received funding from Creative Scotland,CABN, Scottish Borders Council and Dumfries and Galloway.  So, the monies have allowed me to purchase materials that otherwise I would have not been able to afford in one job lot - pigments, solvents, oils, varnishes and artists linen.

So, what’s the starting point? The starting point is to try to remove all external and internal restrictions, concerns, expectations and any other forces that constrain the creative process. It is born out of a desire to revisit the exciting journey of discovery that I first encountered on my Foundation course under the tutelage of Bill Clark. This was a time of real adventure and challenge to all assumptions that I had about ‘Art’ - for a start 10 minutes of meditation was the order of the day! It was all about possibility, the potential of something that wasn’t rigidly defined, the embarkation of a voyage into beautiful & challenging world of visual culture. God it was good, I mean its stayed with me after all these years, we were made to feel like pioneers - what happened? At what point did I become rudderless? At what point did I allow the other ‘stuff’ to get in the way? Not sure ...

If you, unknowing, are able to create masterpieces in colour, then no knowledge is your way. But, if you are unable to create masterpieces in colour out of your innate intuition, then, you ought to look for knowledge.

I am in search of no knowledge and as part of that quest I have been listening to a cd that I was given: Ken Nordine - Colors.  

Here we go into the unknown

Ken's on and the process begins

The idea is to work the image from all angles

Using water and oil based paints

What have I let myself in for?

Am I as free as I want to be?

It's difficult to maintain ambiguity

Possible compositions for alternative imagery

Hmmm...

Hmmmm 2 ....

Knowing when to stop and when to carry on

Need to focus on needing to not focus

Stage ? as of May 6th

 This is definitely a challenge - listening to the disc which is wonderfully bonkers, for a start, olive is the colour of the year and as for nutria ... there are 45 descriptions of colour and their characteristics. 
 Hmmm...